Oafs at Fort Knight

edited January 2017 in Off-Topic 17.75 Karma
This story was written as a Role-Playing Practice Session with @"The Only Moneybag's" and @*TGJ*. Also @'Sir.Fox' was mentioned. I said this stuff was meant to let people get more involved with the Lore, and I wasn't kidding!

#PaladinLore

One mystical night, The Only Moneybag's and That Guy Joe were sparring in a Dojo not too far from The Oriental Residence of Capital City. They were evenly match, where Moneybags met all of Joe's efforts with a stunning talent for evasion. But having spent all his talents into Defense, Moneybags had little to spare for Offense, so he could barely bop Joe on the nose with a plain hammer. It hurt, but Joe was no worse for wear later on.

Then the two of them were summoned to Fort Knight. The Platinum Paladin looked concerned. "Paladins," he explained with a stern voice, "Sir Fox has spotted catapults about 50 Blocks south of Fort Knight's Southern Wall. I have a feeling they're going to try and catapult over THE WALL!"

A gasp hushed over the briefing room.

"So, I need you on Guard Duty. You will be patrolling the perimeter, while I will be on the roof to watch over the situation. If anything lands on our side of THE WALL, crush 'em!"

Later, the three of them took their positions, sweeping the perimeter within the Wall, securing Fort Knight. A few minutes of quiet passed by, and then, these green blots came sailing from over the horizon. After getting a good look at them, it was determined that the team were facing a bunch of Oafs. What are Oafs? They are like Orcs, only inbred and retarded. They have drool, shambled-together smatterings they call "equipment", and they always talk like "Durr" as if that's some kind of accent. They're no match for even a handful of Paladins.

So, most of the Oafs sailed straight into the Lava Moat, and were promptly roasted. Their cries of "DUUUH" made their deaths actually sound more comedic than tragic.

Another quarter hour passed of silence, then The Platinum Paladin spotted movement with binoculars. "Oh, you have got to be kidding! They're using HANG GLIDERS!"

The hang gliders looked disheveled and messy, like someone just threw a bunch of dirt and sticks into a clump and called it a set of wings. The sight of a small squadron of these messes was hilarious, as the Oafs were all going "DUUR" "DDUUHH" and "Huu-huu" like the Butt-heads that they were. Most of the hang-gliders crashed into the steel walls of Fort Knight. Many of them still landed in the Lava Moat, dying within a matter of seconds. But, 4 managed to land on the dirt inside The Fort, and 2 REALLY lucky idiots actually set down on the Roof! Those two had locked into combat with The Platinum Paladin!

The Platinum Paladin had the greatest Initiative, so he attacked first! He fired his Plasma Rifle at one, completely roasting the buffoon. But The Platinum Paladin has not yet completely learned how to safely use his precious rifle, so the kick sent it careening out of his hands, several blocks away atop the Roof! The Platinum Paladin scrambled to reclaim his rifle!

Meanwhile, Joe was compelled to retreat, and the Oafs gave chase. Moneybags taunted one of them, which helped lead the 2 pursuers into cannon fire coming from the Fort. The cannons totally wrecked two of the 4 Oafs on the ground. Now it was Moneybags against 2 Oafs. Moneybags managed to clang their two heads together. Moneybag's basic Unarmed combat training was more than enough to unconditionally knock out these last two bumbling Oafs. But the last one on the roof swung its club with a super clumsy whack. With a stroke of luck, the Oaf scored a glancing blow on The Platinum Paladin. However, the hit would hardly bruise the Fearless Leader of the Order of Paladins!

The Platinum Paladin regained the Initiative, and once again fired off his Plasma Rifle! The kick from the powerful beast of a weapon jammed right into his gut, knocking the wind out of The Platinum Paladin! And again defying logic, the Oaf actually suffered only a glancing hit. The plasma still hurt so bad it knocked out the last Oaf, but didn't kill it outright.

Now it was cleanup time. The Platinum Paladin took the unconscious Oaf downstairs into Fort Knight, claiming it as a prisoner. Moneybags taunted and spat at the two on the ground, shoving one of them into the Lava Moat. A couple minutes later, Moneybags and The Platinum Paladin debriefed, reflecting on the job well done.

This wasn't meant to be much of a challenge, but for these Paladins, it was the first time they've ever saw any actual ACTION! For The Platinum Paladin, he's seen plenty elsewhere, but here in this dimension, it was effectively his first time. He handled himself well even though he's still learning the basics of this dimension's physics.

And there will be much more to come in the future!

Comments

  • TumbleweedTumbleweed Member
    69.15 Karma
    Ooooo nice!
  • 17.75 Karma

    Ooooo nice!

    I hardly see you in-game, or else I'd be able to get you more involved.
  • 'Sir.Fox''Sir.Fox' Member
    26.85 Karma
    Looks cool
  • *TGJ**TGJ* Member
    6.55 Karma
    Hay platinum, when u be on? I gtg in 10mins..
  • 10.15 Karma
    I'm excited about the next RPG session and with practice with my cousin with D 'n' D it's going to be a bit easier for me :D
  • PiousPious Member
    37.25 Karma
    As entertaining as this was to read, some of it might not be so appropriate for all readers. Or– rather, the language used. Like:

    ... inbred and retarded.

    Regardless, still a good read. I'm sure it was a blast to make.
  • 17.75 Karma
    Pious said:

    As entertaining as this was to read, some of it might not be so appropriate for all readers. Or– rather, the language used. Like:

    ... inbred and retarded.

    Regardless, still a good read. I'm sure it was a blast to make.
    I was definitely awesome.

    As for the language, it is difficult to illustrate just how extremely stupid the foes were, while also remaining "family-friendly". That said, if you have a suggestion for more effectively striking this balance, I'm figuratively all-ears.
  • PiousPious Member
    37.25 Karma
    Subnormal imbuciles, birdbrained morons, dim/half-witted saps. These are examples of less offensive ways of wording their idiocy.
  • 10.15 Karma
    Pious said:

    Subnormal imbuciles, birdbrained morons, dim/half-witted saps. These are examples of less offensive ways of wording their idiocy.

    If you don't like it (A. Ignore it (B. Don't read it
  • 17.75 Karma
    Pious said:

    Subnormal imbuciles, birdbrained morons, dim/half-witted saps. These are examples of less offensive ways of wording their idiocy.

    Thank you, I'll try and keep the vocabulary in mind.
  • PiousPious Member
    37.25 Karma

    Pious said:

    Subnormal imbuciles, birdbrained morons, dim/half-witted saps. These are examples of less offensive ways of wording their idiocy.

    If you don't like it (A. Ignore it (B. Don't read it
    On the contrary, I did like it. In fact, I'd already stated that. I was only informing Platinum that there was a better way of wording a specific part of it to be more suitable for all audiences, and, mind you, he actually thanked me for it. Furthermore, he was actually the one who'd asked me for the suggestions as well.
    Now– I don't know how you'd expect me to not like something if I hadn't read it, so your #2 was just completely invalid to begin with.
    No need to get hostile on me the way you did those Oafs. Promise, I've no beef with the Paladins.

    Regards,
    Pious
  • edited January 2017 17.75 Karma
    Pious said:

    Pious said:

    Subnormal imbuciles, birdbrained morons, dim/half-witted saps. These are examples of less offensive ways of wording their idiocy.

    If you don't like it (A. Ignore it (B. Don't read it
    On the contrary, I did like it. In fact, I'd already stated that. I was only informing Platinum that there was a better way of wording a specific part of it to be more suitable for all audiences, and, mind you, he actually thanked me for it. Furthermore, he was actually the one who'd asked me for the suggestions as well.
    Now– I don't know how you'd expect me to not like something if I hadn't read it, so your #2 was just completely invalid to begin with.
    No need to get hostile on me the way you did those Oafs. Promise, I've no beef with the Paladins.

    Regards,
    Pious
    And I already said, I honestly enjoy receiving your constructive feedback. It is something I actually want *MORE* of, though I'm specifically interested in how I can improve the MECHANICS of my Table-Top RPG that this story was birthed from. Still, don't worry. No hard feelings. ^.^

    Yes, these stories ARE a blast to make! :D

    P.S. Moneybags may have an alt in the Paladins, but as far as I'm concerned, he's more-or-less an HONORARY Paladin. Technically, Moneybags is among The Mighty Gods. That might be missing the point, so the point is, Moneybags is OK by me and he means well...that said, I agree, there is no reason to get defensive here. :)
  • 10.15 Karma
    Pious said:

    Pious said:

    Subnormal imbuciles, birdbrained morons, dim/half-witted saps. These are examples of less offensive ways of wording their idiocy.

    If you don't like it (A. Ignore it (B. Don't read it
    On the contrary, I did like it. In fact, I'd already stated that. I was only informing Platinum that there was a better way of wording a specific part of it to be more suitable for all audiences, and, mind you, he actually thanked me for it. Furthermore, he was actually the one who'd asked me for the suggestions as well.
    Now– I don't know how you'd expect me to not like something if I hadn't read it, so your #2 was just completely invalid to begin with.
    No need to get hostile on me the way you did those Oafs. Promise, I've no beef with the Paladins.

    Regards,
    Pious
    Sorry Pious, truely sorry....

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