The Second Epic Battle of Fort Knight

in Off-Topic 17.75 Karma
https://discord.gg/9By8yQF Thanks to @*TGJ* for helping significantly with contributing to this story. Also known as “The EpicER Battle of Fort Knight”, this was a huge event that happened in my RPG. Wish more players could’ve been there to check it out. But this is from the Game Master’s point of view. If it’s too big for a single forum post, I’m going to have to break it up into “multi-posting” so you get the full story.


Sir Phantom had spent his entire family’s fortune preparing to take on the Paladins! They thought they were so high and mighty, but he wanted to take them down a peg! He had gone through immense pains to prepare for this single tipping point, selling his soul to the demon behind Evil Solicitors so that he could immediately learn how to cast Force Lighting was just the beginning of his deals with the devil. He even poisoned the tap water in his parents’ mansion, killing them so he could claim their fortune of 100 million Cubits! That might sound like a lot – and it is – but it was hardly enough to field his enormous army of over 200 thousand minions! Among them were 25 Psychic Minions, plasma troops, lions and attack dogs, and a legion of missiles including one DOOM MISSILE that could level an entire plot of land, effectively deleting the entire realm from Cubic Existence!

But The Platinum Paladin, with his Master level Psychic Power, could effortlessly detect such a massive event washing towards him from the future. He wasted no time in preparing. One of his best fighters – now known as “AIR” – became banished from space and time after a violent falling-out…so anticipating that would not change, The Platinum Paladin lived AIR’s dream of becoming the Cubic World Champion. Not only did The Platinum Paladin win the title of the single best fighter in all Qbee Land (by using his iconic Spirit Blade, The White Star), but the 200 million Cubit prize money was quickly spent. Half of that went to starting up a Triple-A Video Game Publishing Company with the hopes that he’ll be steadily making millions of Cubits…but not soon enough for the big moment in the near future.

With the remaining 100 million, he first invented Paladin Hero Armor, the apex of technology and magic for a massive magnitude of damage resistance! But because he had such a huge amount of money from the competition, he spent much of that on making an extra 100 suits for his elite Silver Paladins, including his closest friends. Those friends were also Heroes of the Order, specifically Joe. Only a couple weeks ago, Joe had won the Hero Medallion, the highest honor in the Order of Paladins, for his actions against the evil organization Nasty-Uh.

Knowing that time was short, The Platinum Paladin pulled an absolute all-nighter in preparing the 100 sets of armor. In addition, he spent that budget on more Paladin CHAOS armor to replace the common Knight Armor his Bronze Paladins wore…and hired master armorsmiths to ease the burden of making a grand total of 1,000 suits of armor. Plus, he spent millions on buying a million rifles…special versions of energy from another fan fiction that addressed these guns humorously as “Palsma Rifles”. Yes, the typo is done on purpose for comedic effect, but their improved damage and rapid-fire capabilities were a huge leap forward from his old semi-auto plasma rifle.

Meanwhile, after a long break, The Only Moneybags had returned from the brink of uncharted territories. Moneybags wanted to learn how to fly, and given the urgency of the Order, The Platinum Paladin needed Moneybags in the air as soon as possible. So, he spared no expense in putting Moneybags into Flight School. The Platinum Paladin even went so far as to put down payments towards 3 jets, one for Moneybags. They can easily be paid off in increments assuming the Triple-A business takes off. The business had a minor snag with getting started, but he was hoping there would be no further complications.

At Flight School, Moneybags met another pilot with the callsign of “Hammer”. The person explained, “I wanted it to be Warhammer, but the guys said that sounded too cool, so this was the compromise.” The teacher began lecturing at Flight School, regularly reminding students about how crucial it is to not doze off in class – a hard slam of the textbook sent a startling reminder that, “If this were a dogfight, that book means you would’ve been shot!” The teacher didn’t get far into the orientation lecture before red lights started flashing and sirens were blaring. The teacher calmly explained, “There seems to be an emergency. Class dismissed.” Turns out there were missiles heading straight for the Flight School! Numerous jet fighters scrambled to intercept the attack, and while successful, they took moderate damage from the explosions.

The Platinum Paladin was sending his friends to such adventures all specifically with the common goal of preparing for The Second Epic Battle of Fort Knight. And he thought the first one would’ve been the epic to end all epics. Remembering that he killed the Terror of the Borderlands as a mere Initiate, and how there were armored spider-bots and tens of thousands of Demonic Orcs (Dorcs), that paled in comparison to what they were up against today.

Joe stepped in asking for a situational report (sitrep for short). The Platinum Paladin pointed him to a computer with a GPS. The hoard was so massive, it was enough to fill a whole 50 x 50 realm! You couldn’t miss it! Joe swore and cursed, while The Platinum Paladin coolly responded, “Exactly. They have the numbers, but we have the tech.”

As the Army was marching to Fort Knight, there was a report of a naval battle off the shores of Eden. Numerous Corsair boats were firing cannons at the mainland! But the Helpful Pirate Society, led by Lucie Winterwolf, put a stop to those antics. All these attacks were funded and coordinated by Sir Phantom and the wealth he took from his now dead parents. The two navies were technologically even, but at first Lucie Winterwolf had the numbers…until even more blood-stained money was dumped to reinforce the numbers a hundred-fold! In the end, both navies were almost absolutely crushed, barely limping away with any more than a dozen on both sides.

While the Army was only a day away, The Platinum Paladin bought giant crates of ammo for the thousand “Palsma Rifles” that would be lighting up. After that, he and Joe got together to talk tactics. Joe was more than eager to tackle the threat head-on, but The Platinum Paladin explained, “There is good tactical reason to hole up in Fort Knight. Not only do we have the steel walls and the home field advantage, but from here there are only 3 directions an enemy can approach. One’s from the South, through No Bee’s Land, which leaves everyone exposed in the open and may face random bandit-raider attacks. The second is from the North, which means pushing through our territory and specifically Paladin City. The third is by Air, but there were no signs of enemy aircraft, so I doubt they’d have the capabilities to air-drop a huge legion of pawns.”

After sizing up the intelligence reports side-by-side, The Platinum Paladin concluded by saying, “They may have the numbers, but we have the tech.” After a good long sleep, just before the battle, The Platinum Paladin had performed one final makeover on The White Star! With electrum and imported platinum, he upped it to a magnitude worthy of a true Master!

The day of the battle! The enormous hoard flooded the streets of Paladin City, with random civilians heckling them. The natives really don’t like the idea of an invading force, especially if those natives happen to live in Paladin territory! Catapults hurled boulders en masse at the Great Stone Wall, through what limited vantages they could get around the tall buildings in Paladin City. They might’ve had cover, but aiming was very awkward given how crowded the urban streets were. The Platinum Paladin gave a dramatic rallying speech after Joe’s own pep talk, all of which had brought the Thousand Paladins together much more strongly. The elite plasma units invading managed to injure a few Bronze Paladins and concentrate on the front Heroes, but against Hero Armor, the standard-issue Plasma Rifles barely damaged the energy fields produced by the integrated shield generators.

All the while the giant DOOM MISSILE was heading for Fort Knight! The Platinum Paladin flew right to it, but as soon as he sliced open the service panel, he quirked an eyebrow. He radioed, “Joe, walk me through it. How do I disarm this without it blowing up.” Joe was friends with The Platinum Paladin, so instead of verbally helping, he just teleported to The Platinum Paladin. There wasn’t much time before the ultimate weapon would destroy everything, so The Platinum Paladin telepathically linked minds with Joe, so they could communicate at the speed of thought! The duo used this boon to work together, with one doing tasks while the other handed separate priorities on defusing the complex bomb. But before they could totally pull it off, the detonation sequence activated early! With barely a turn’s worth of time left, The Platinum Paladin boomed, “JOE! GO TO PLAN B!” The two of them leaped off the missile, and The Platinum Paladin put all his effort into telepathically hoisting it up into the sky! Even with his maximum power, the effort found only partial success. The troops on the ground felt only the shockwave, but the two heroes found their Hero Armor systems damaged, with the integrated shields completely broken.

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  • 17.75 Karma
    The Platinum Paladin crashed to the ground with a dramatic metal thud! HE groaned a one-liner, before getting himself up a couple seconds later. But then he felt something: the presence of a true master of evil. It was Nasty-uh’s sole owner and mastermind: Christopher Arthur Burns! The Platinum Paladin growled, “Burns!” And with a serious look on his face, he launched himself away from the battle to duel his nemesis. Over the radio, The Platinum Paladin boasted, “I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve prepared for this!”

    Joe went inside Fort Knight, because the unexplainable cold sensation meant something DARK was lurking. When Joe went inside, he found the rest of the Heroes dealing with the Dark Experiments set forth by Nasty-uh. One was an abomination of Space and Time. The second was a 4-armed warrior with weird energy swords. The final one was an ancient dragon brought from another dimension. The Heroes needed help, and that’s when The Stick of Truth (protected on display in Fort Knight’s foyer) had glowed and spawned in AIR! Air was unbanished by divine will! And he was as eager as ever to beat up bad guys! Just in time, too, because the fight would’ve been dicey without the Order’s Former Best Fighter! He made sure the fight stayed doable long enough…

    While all the Heroes were locked in battle, the Paladins on the roof were bombarded by grenades and minigun fire from 5 surprise helicopters. The Air Team (with Moneybags flying jets) were busy taking out other smaller missiles, alongside Sir Harrison (from Greater Battle fame) in his ship: The Long Haul. Altogether, the skies were under Paladin control throughout the battle.

    Over the radio, Sir Phantom was taunting the heroes, talking about how he was the mastermind who had brought all these henchmen together and how he sent assassins after the Order’s most precious heroes. Granted all those previous efforts were for naught, but Joe said with bitter aggravation, “You’re NOT going to get away with this!” Joe then used his mastery of hacking to trace the radio signals and reveal Sir Phantom’s hideout. It was also the final foothold for Nasty-uh in all Qbee Land! Just then, The Platinum Paladin had finally defeated Mister Burns in an overwhelming victory of Spirit Blade superiority! He could feel the world cheer as the head of darkness was finally burning in his afterlife punishment.

    The Platinum Paladin went to check on Joe, and Joe explained how he found out where the final hideout was. The Platinum Paladin – with a little convincing – decided to order, “Joe, you settle the score. I’ll take out the Dark Experiments and save our Heroes.” Joe acknowledged, “On it!” The Platinum Paladin swooped into Fort Knight and found the Heroes fighting the 3 Experiments. Both sides were struggling, and although the Heroes were holding out, The Platinum Paladin effortlessly carved through all 3 Dark Experiments with his Spirit Blade mastery. Concentrating his strikes among even the toughest beasts Nasty-uh had to offer, he would make sure he wouldn’t get all the credit. The others (including AIR) kept them at bay long enough for them to get finished off. If it weren’t for that time, the rest of the Paladins would’ve no doubt been consumed by Nasty-uh’s secret weapons.

    But with no lasting leadership, it was time for the final confrontation. Joe had breached the final hideout, only to find it was empty. He followed the trail with his keen Eagle Vision, making sure Sir Phantom had nowhere left to run or hide! There was no escaping Paladin Judgment! To put the final nail in the coffin, Sir Phantom’s crush Violet showed up. Although she was elsewhere, AIR’s shotgun he looted had her name written on it, which managed to grant her the power to join in for this final moment. Even though Sir Phantom tried to win Violet’s heart, she was devastated to learn that he had turned super evil. She fell on her knees crying, but that sadness turned to rage. And she whipped out a sawn-off double-barrel shotgun and let him have it!

    It was over.

    After cleaning up the dead and tending to the wounded, the Order’s Heroes gathered in the banquet hall of Fort Knight, for a load of ice cream to celebrate the victory. “Excellent job,” was the tone across the room. Joe proposed a toast, “To the end of Nasty-uh!” The whole room lit up with the unified cheer of “HUZZAH!” Nasty-uh’s assets were liquidated, their monetary value being split among the Order’s Heroes. And finally, Medals for everybody!

    The End!
  • Elemental godElemental god The netherlandsMember
    edited May 2017 307.40 Karma
    #nuuuuuimissedit
    #whereismyarmour>:(
  • *TGJ**TGJ* Member
    6.55 Karma
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