Cars Lore



Throughout the ages, Qbees have dreamed of reaching the stars, and pushing the speeds as far as physically possible. The Cosmic Cow had but one spaceship effort, and though that one tiny settlement in space is impressive, there was no way this could've been delivered to the common masses.

So, a compromise was struck. Cars were the answer, a powerful workhorse that required minimal maintenance and could naturally outpace even the most athletic of Qbees. The tiny size of the first Prototype cars made them one-seaters, which was reasonable given the plague of scammers that infected the entire Cubic World. But this would mean transporting entire teams of Paladins with one machine would be anywhere from costly to prohibitive, depending on the price of production. Again, it is not currently designed for one vehicle to carry a driver and multiple friends, and is far more impractical to draft up massive troop transports (like the Human half-tracks) for ferrying large quantities of individuals with just one machine.

Ideally, those goals will come another day, but even if that were theoretically possible, it's not going to happen anytime soon.

For the recent memory (January to February 2017 Human time), in the most restricted and classified sects of Capital City, The Cosmic Cow and its primary Gods have milled tirelessly towards prototyping the first Cars. The earliest example was "The Dorkmobile", iconic from its role in transporting The Chosen Hero across the Adventure Domain. But as vanilla as "The Dorkmobile" may seem, this was barely the first baby-steps towards the final goal of mass producible transportation. But it was, nonetheless, a monumental milestone in the production and excitement of Cars.

No doubt the details are herculean in scale, from designing how to "scam-proof" cars to fashioning multiple unique makes and models, to allowing all the parts to function in the physics of the Cubic Dimension without causing an omniexistential apocalypse greater than the likes seen during December 2016. With so many moving parts to bringing forth what should be a simple concept, it is no joke to realize this required a daunting amount of time and manpower from The Cosmic Cow's tiny crew of three.

With many breakthroughs, there came a point where the excitement and the completion almost reached critical mass, and the three workers had enlisted the aid of GDog to serve as one of the first test pilots, a humongous privilege among the Cubic Community. While the community eagerly awaited the final verdict, Gdog's first impressions were promising.

Meanwhile, The Platinum Paladin - during his Initiation into the magic arts of OPness - studied how to properly maneuver and handle these powerhouses. And he brought home a driver's license to prove his efforts. That said, there was no known Qbee law requiring any form of driver's education before being allowed behind the wheel. Still, he collaborated with Human customs and worked with them to mitigate the need for "reinventing the wheel" both figuratively and literally. When The Platinum Paladin returned home in Qbee Land, he brought with him the knowledge of other cultures and how they accomplished these same efforts. He had texts on the history of manufacturing and industrialization, as well as how Human customs became so inhumanely bogged down by figurative "red tape" and, applying that to Qbee culture, dissected how these problems could be avoided. Much of it, however, was moot as the "dangers" to Qbees are virtually nill. Death is practically meaningless to Qbees, as they just respawn at the front door upon death. While under The Cosmic Cow's watchful eye, there's no such thing as "permadeath".

As of this initial writing, the current status of cars in Qbee Land would be "almost done". Every single key player is taking all possible steps to ensuring the greatest rollout of Cars, and that should ensure the best chance it can have of living up to its hype.
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